I don’t know about you… but during the summer, I harbor a fantasy.
I dream that summer is going to be filled with long quiet days on the beach with my kids happily frolicking in the waves, fun bike rides, roller skating, and sitting peacefully under a tree reading a book.
Year after year, I have a fantasy about having “free time in the summer”, when in reality I actually have LESS time to do these things.
In the summer—because they are not at school all day—my children require more of my attention, need rides to more places, and need more support to organize activities for themselves week after week.
And summer doesn’t necessarily mean “time off” for me. I might have the same amount of work responsibility as the rest of the year, but less time to accomplish everything.
As parents, it is easy during summer—a time of increased demands—for us to forget about taking care of ourselves.
Over the years, I’ve gotten better at self-care during summer break by doing 3 key things that I’d like to share with you:
Three Secrets to Summer-time Self-Care
1. Play
I got inspired to consider playing more after I listened to Brene Brown’s book, Gifts of Imperfect Parenting. What emerged in her research is that wholehearted families “play”.
Now, I’m a pretty serious person (except when I’m teaching a roomful of preschoolers). I choose non-fiction over fiction and documentaries over comedies almost every time. So to think about “playing” or doing something non-productive is a pretty big stretch for me.
A few weeks ago, inspired by Dr. Brown’s research, I started to do things differently. We were out for dinner at our local “hole in the wall” Mexican restaurant and I asked each family member what was fun for them to do. We talked about things that were playful, cause us to lose our sense of time, and create an experience of “flow”.
I made a list (kind of a Venn diagram) and compiled the few things that were fun for ALL of us to do. This was surprising because we found out that we all like doing pottery and backpacking (who knew?), being outside, reading, and watching movies.
The best part is that making this list changed what we planned for the summer. We made sure that we were doing things that were playful for all four of us (including me!).
2. Renew Yourself
Besides doing playful things as a family, parents need activities that allow us to recharge ourselves. What I hear over and over again from parents is: “I want to ____, but I don’t have the time!”
Yes, finding time can be hard. I get that. This is the trick that worked for me (even when my kids were little). Try it and let me know how it goes….
Choose one or more things that renew you (meditation, journaling, playing music, dancing, making art, writing, yoga, etc.) and commit to doing it EVERY DAY… but don’t commit to how much time you will spend doing it!
Here’s why this works:
There are little things in life that make a big difference—even if we do them for just a short time. Does taking a few meditative breaths make a difference before a big work presentation, or before helping a screaming toddler? YES! Does doing “down dog” in the living room before starting your day or getting in the car at rush hour make things feel a little easier? Absolutely.
Sure, a 30-minute meditation is great, a 60-minute workout is super, and a 90-minute art class is awesome. But don’t let those “ideals” prevent you from getting some of the wonderful benefits that come from doing these restorative things for 5 minutes or even 1 minute!
Said another way, “Don’t let the great be the enemy of the good”.
3. Do Only “Mission Critical” Things
I’ve tried all sorts of different “to-do” lists, calendars, reminders, and time management systems, but I keep coming back to this one that I’ve used consistently for 9 years…
I keep a running“To-Do List” (it’s just a document that I keep on the desktop of my computer) that is divided into 4 sections:
- Things I NEED to get done this week
- Things I WANT to get done this week
- Things to do this MONTH
- Things to do SOMEDAY
In each section is a column for Home, Work, and Personal things.
And guess what? On any given day there are only about 3 “mission-critical” things that I HAVE to get done. Only 3!
It helps me to have those other things—the things that I want to do this week, month, or someday—listed there because I can tell my brain to relax about them. It’s really helped me to prioritize, and conserve my time and energy for the things that I value the most while letting go of the other things that seem important but don’t actually need to get done.
Now that you’ve read my list, I’m curious about you…
How do YOU take care of yourself in the summer—or during any season?
What are the daily or weekly self-care practices that you can’t live without?
Share them in the comments section. I’d love to see you there!
Here’s to summer renewal (or winter renewal, if you’re one of our friends in the Southern Hemi—we love you too!)
Watermelon, cherries, and peaches,
Cecilia Hilkey
This morning I told myself to find ways to bring playfulness into my relationship with my 16 YO. Thank you for reposting this. Teens require a different level of attention, and at times mentally exhausting. It’s been a roller coaster of a summer with serious lows and what feels like few highs. I’ve downloaded Brene’s book and I’m hoping to bring back some joy, laughter and connection.
Good timing for a repost! Before I read this today I told myself to find a way to be more playful with my 16 YO. This comes at a time when teen emotions are up and down, risky behavior is a concern and I’m walking on egg shells from day to day. The sayings are true, parents need to be more present and on watch during the teen years. It can be exhausting. I’ve already downloaded Brene’s book and hope to bring more lightness, joy and connection to our family. Thanks!
Hang in there, Natalie. I get it. For me, finding fun things we can do together makes me less exhausted, and less worried about risky behavior. The time kids spend with you is protective!
That’s great advice! Thanks for the tips!
Thais, yay! That really freed me up too… rather than not doing a 30-minute meditation and feeling like a failure, knowing that I could even meditate for just 5 minutes made things managable! Even 5-minutes makes a difference.
Thanks, Cecilia! Your insight and advice is always helpful. From this last conference I found one of the lectures really interesting, the one on how to tame triggers 👌🏼 I’ve been trying to put it in practice.
Awesome, Luz! Was that Dr. Carrie Contey’s interview?
YES it was!! I’m sorry I didn’t see your response until now
I enjoyed this article. For some reason this summer I have found myself craving some time for myself, more than on former summers. The article was a good reminder about the importance of self-care even during the “magic summer”.
Yes! I can totally relate! I’ve been trying to sleep in a little myself!
Friend in the Southern Hemi!
One of my favourite ways to renew myself is to meditate. However, as a mum of a 2 years old and a 2 months old boys, I am used to the “but I don’t have the time” conclusion! This obviously frustrates me. It seems really helpful the idea of committing to do it everyday instead of committing to do it certain days for a particular amount of time (which is rarely feasible!)
Really love this blog! :)
Lovely blog! Thanks for the reminder. I have about one week off of my full-time preach teaching job every 6 months. This week was one of my weeks! So, I have made it a point to nap every day around 3. And since it’s just me parenting, I’ve enjoyed spending time with my eight-year-old daughter just walking around our neighborhood and “being” together. We’ve also been playing a lot of Uno!!! 😂
Awesome, Tiffany! Soak it up and enjoy Uno! xox
full THANKS
I was overwhelming with my problems when I read your mail
it changed my mode and made me take things easy
I said to my husband (oh I decieded to take a short vacation,is there any plan in your mind ??)
HE said (yes ,sure.potty training for smallest child)
😖😖😖😖😖
Mais, figure out when you can have that vacation! Maybe it doesn’t happen right away, but put it on the calendar so it can happen! Vacations can even be just for 1 hour!
Great words to raise morale
full THANKS again
You’re welcome, Mais!
I read the same segment by Brene Brown about play and was excited to make a list with my family…but then got so disheartened when there was no overlap!
Leah, don’t give up on it! What kids like changes over time so just keep asking! Also go deeper and I’ll bet you can find something that everyone enjoys!
Venting…
We went to the beach last month with ny 1 year old. We stayed there 12 days and I was pretty excited about the trip because it was my baby’s first time on a plane and at the beach. However, things did not go as smoothly as I thought, and the three of us ended getting sick. I was so exhausted and frustrated and just wanted to get back home.
I hadn’t realized until then how hard it can be to travel with babies and children. I hope this gets easier with time because I’m not planning on doing this anytime soon
Luz, I hear you. Travelling with a young one is completely different. It does get easier AND it was helpful if I changed my expectations, thinking “this will take twice as long as I think it should”. That was helpful too! Big hugs! Feel better soon!
This is really comfortable to read. For me, I Must start writing to-do lists too. And for the things that recharge me, I think reading books is the thing that I should go back to❤️
Awesome, Rawan! Enjoy your to do lists and reading books.
Thank you for this page.
It is a good reminder that I am not the only one shruggling with self care, recharge…
I have a hard time to prioritize myself. Once a week I go to hot yoga. I make sure 30 min a day I am not multi tasking and interrupted. Meditation and journaling are 2 tools I am using when I need to refind calmness and the” to do list” is my go to when I am overwhelmed by what needs to be done. I will implement the 4 sections!
Carole, I’m right therenext to you juggling my self care, sister! You/we can do it!
i changed the title of my “to do list” to “things i will do with joy” (even if it is just the joy of having it done).
it changes my attitude when i check the list completely! i can choose to actually enjoy doing the things, even if i don’t like doing them so much, but at least because i will have them done.
and when i play with my children or do something else we enjoy (or I enjoy) I try to be aware that we have a good time and let me be nourished by that experience.
and i like to walk the dog alone! :)
Yes, Astrid! That’s lovely! Your comment reminded me to choose to do things with joy. Right now the sun is shining on my face and I’m listening to music and children playing on the front path!
I do a short series of yoga poses almost every night before bed, which only takes about 5ish minutes. Some nights, when I don’t have the energy, I talk myself into doing just one or two stretches and it feels so good, I usually end up doing the whole series of poses. Those 5 minutes make a world of difference in my sleep – I fall asleep faster and usually feel more refreshed the next day. It also helps restore my core, after a day of playing with my kids. Of course there are some nights I’m so exhausted that I can’t even talk myself into doing just one stretch, but sticking to this routine on most nights is super helpful.
Wise words, Amy! Five minutes = big difference!
Hi Cecelia,
Great article! I committed to having a morning tai chi/ chi gong routine. I also like take deep cleansing breaths until my body feels relaxed. I am trying to commit to aerobic exercise daily or several times a week for 20 mins. I think I will commit to doing it everyday with no time minimum as you suggested! What a great idea! Thank you so much. I think you and your husband are awesome.
Debbie, I think YOU are awesome! I’m going to exercise tomorrow for the first time in a while. Yes!
Left Brain Buddha has 4 minute guided meditations that a perfect for a super quick recharge!
Nice! Thanks for sharing!