One time when our kids were younger they got into a fight about something, I was so maxed out that I locked myself in the bathroom to take a few breaths. I had to escape because I didn’t have a reliable plan for how to soothe myself in high-stress moments.
When you’re with your kids and something happens, what do you do to calm yourself in the moment (besides running away like I did)?
There are a few ideas for “in the moment” calming and centering in this video (1 min 45 sec).
And I’m looking forward to hearing your favorite calming tips in the comments section. I will read and respond to each one!
Please know… It’s not always possible to calm ourselves in the moment. We might be too fired up, or we might forget what to do. Sometimes it makes sense to take a break, as long as our kids are safe, and circle back around to them later.
But we’re more likely to be able to soothe ourselves in the moment if we’ve come up with a plan beforehand for how to do it.
I work with age 4 – 7 group of kids who are struggling with math or reading. They are, how may I say it, needy!? Well so am I and I have used mental health days to let go and accept I am not in control of or responsible for everything going on at work. A mother actually gave me a story about how to care for yourself, your energy, as you would your laundry. Do you toss it on the floor or put it on a hanger and put it away ? Maybe it was how she said it, so gently and in her own accent but I love it and will try it next time
Joan, that’s a great metaphor. Maybe I need to treat my laundry better!! :) There are a lot of things we aren’t in control of and I remind myself every day of those things.
Thanks so much for this!
I loved learning recently about the value of self compassion from your conference, and I’ve adopted putting my hand on my heart when I’m aware enough 🤣
Thank you for the wisdom and light you are spreading, Cecilia! I also love the maple tree you turn to for calmness! For me it helps to close my eyes, to “dive” deeply into my beely by slowly breathing, humming “oooommm” or some favorite tune/melody, breathing slowly by tracing the fingers of my right palm with the index finger of my left palm – I inhale while I go up the thumb, hold my breath on top of it and exhale on the way down and the same repeats with all the lest fingers. (smiley) Greeting from Bulgaria and the shores of the biggest european river – the blue Danube! (smiley)
Gergana, thank you so much. I have a lovely image in my head of you on the shore of the river meditating. :)
Thank you for the wisdom and light you are spreading, Cecilia! I also love the maple tree you turn to for calmness! For me it helps to close my eyes, to “dive” deeply into my beely by slowly breathing, humming “oooommm” or some favorite tune/melody, breathing slowly by tracing the fingers of my right palm with the index finger of my left palm – I inhale while I go up the thumb, hold my breath on top of it and exhale on the way down and the same repeats with all the lest fingers. :) Greeting from Bulgaria and the shores of the biggest european river – the blue Danube! :)
When I feel myself starting to lose my grip, I try to have the wherewithal to take a few deep breaths. But when I’m really REALLY maxxed out, I head to my bedroom and slug it out with a few pillows. I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one who takes out their aggression on their home goods…
Yup, the pillow thing works!!
I love the maple background! In the heat of the moment when I’ve reached the top of my volcano, I tell my daughter I am going away to take a couple of breaths, and then I really do it (instead of just seething) and ask myself: what do I need right now? The last few times I have tried it it has really worked and I discovered (and reported back to my kiddo) that I needed all sorts of things, like to pee, and to eat something, and to put on a sweater, etc.
That’s wonderful, Irina. It’s such a powerful question to ask ourselves what we need and then to discover that some of the things we need actually have nothing to do with our child. Brilliant!