Real quick.
I’ve been realizing that it’s a trap to think, “I’ll be happy when my child does X” or “I’ll stop worrying if my child stops doing Y” or “I’ll feel accomplished as a parent when my child accomplishes Z”.
Yet, we have these kinds of thoughts about our kids all the time. Am I right?
While I was on a walk, I made a 2-min video for you about this… about how to be happy or content, regardless of how our child is behaving.
I’m not saying that we can't talk to our child about their behavior. Of course, we can work with our kids, we can problem solve with them, and we can explain our concerns to our kids.
But let’s not make our kids responsible for our feelings.
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s something about your child, that you can be happy (content or grateful) about today?
I will read and respond to each comment.
Thanks for playing along with me.
You and I can personally talk in there if you’re struggling to figure out how to talk to your child.
Today I am happy that my son is curious and exploring new passions. He is slowly bringing me into his world and sharing these things with me. I may not be willing to let him write graffiti around town but I’m able to provide him with the tools to explore through his sketchbook and helping him find resources to learn more about this subject.
That’s great, Claire, that he’s got you and his artwork!
It really is! One of those “unofficial” milestones that might easily escape notice.
:)
My oldest (creative+++, ADHD++) is in her 1st year university, away from home and usual support. She’s just learned that not showing up for classes and not handing in assignments can lead to failing a module (albeit a “boring and irrelevant one“!). She isn’t down on herself, she isn’t plummeting into low self esteem. She is learning the natural consequences of self-indulgence! (Sleeping/reading/socialising instead of attending!) I’m grateful for the failure now so she can learn now how to show up for herself when it really matters. (And accept that boring stuff needs be done anyway!) I’m grateful for her strengths and weaknesses!
Ingrid, it’s hard to watch our kids learn some of those life lessons, right? Sounds like you (and she) have a good attitude and perspective about it.
One thing I love about my special needs teenager (that also drives me crazy sometimes), is his (usual) willingness to help when asked. 💕 Sometimes he’s impulsively driven to “help” when it’s dangerous, not needed, not permitted, etc. But his heart is in the right place. 💗. I’m grateful for that reminder when his echoalia causes him to parrot some of the worst angry or foul things he’s stumbled across on YouTube or somewhere and my heart sinks.
Willingness to help is a wonderful quality (most of the time)! :)
I am so thankful that our grandson we are raising loves the Lord. I am thankful that he is so kind, loving and thoughtful of others. He has struggles in high school but I feel with the attitude and great traits he has, school will come in time. Thank you for bending our thoughts towards the positive. It is so much more productive. Hope your walk was a good one.
I love your focus on the positive! And, yes, I did enjoy my walk!
Thank you for this reminder. It’s the journey, not only the destination, that can bring us happiness! Today, I’m happy that my 7 year old thought of making a card for his classmate for her birthday. He is so independent, kind, and thoughtful and although he’s very challenging lately, I love his determination and love for life.
Having a child who cares for others and loves life is a beautiful thing.
Jessica, thank you. It’s been fun to make these little videos! And boy, for teens to get caught up with school and to rediscover internal motivation is no small task!!
I love that. It’s really a gift for a 14 year old to be close to parents!
I am grateful that my child expresses love and affection even when we are in the midst of anger or frustration. He recognizes the anger, but also recognizes the hurt.
Wow, to express love even during the anger that’s an incredible super power.
I’m grateful that my daughter woke up (on time) early this morning to start her new job!
Same here!! It’s not a new job, but every day my daughter wakes up and shows up, I celebrate inside.
I just started listening to The How of Happiness by psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky and it touches on this same idea! We are actually terrible predictors of what we THINK will make us happy.
So true! I’ve been interested in that book too. We almost interviewed Sonja for a Happily Family Conference, but she had to cancel at the last minute. Maybe I should reach out to her again?
I’m grateful that my kid is so enthusiastic about the things they’re interested in and that they love to share that with me.
Michelle, that sounds sweet and a nice way to connect.
I so appreciated this today! I appreciate that my child made an effort to begin their homework last night and got out the door on time this morning.
I think it’s really important for kids to be appreciated for their effort (even if it doesn’t work out). Well done.
I’m grateful that my child has a great sense of humor and we have fun together.
This was hard since we had a rough morning, but definitely a good exercise that I need to do more!
Having fun together is one of the most important things we can do as parents to keep that connection.
Grateful that my son has started trying to be more independent (he’s 6 and neurodivergent). Two weeks ago, for the first time, he asked to walk into the schoolyard by himself. <3
Wow! Big steps! Awesome.
I’m grateful that my 14 year old daughter and I are close, and she feels she can talk to me. When we both had covid last month – the silver lining was quarantining together and watching Gilmore Girls in bed :)
My problematic and very challenging foster son who we are soon adopting is now able to get himself fed, choose his own clothes get dressed, pack his backpack and out the door to school on his own completely!
That’s great, Sherry! Not a small task in the morning for him to do all those things! And how nice that you are his forever family.