Hello there!
I don’t know about you but it seems that we are constantly researching and “looking things up” online:
What’s the best crockpot to buy?
Where should we invest our money?
Should we watch this movie?
When it comes to decisions about our kids these choices get a lot more emotionally complicated and the consequences are far more profound:
What’s the best school for our children to attend?
Do I breastfeed or not?
Is this video game appropriate for our kids to play?
Is she getting everything she needs nutritionally?
Should I stay home and raise the kids or continue to work?
Even more important than all of those–perhaps the most profound decision we make as parents–is how do we want to raise our kids.
It would make sense to research what style of parenting is the most effective and then to get really good at that style, right?
Of course. But then there are the demands of real life and we might think we don’t have time, or our partner isn’t supportive, or our own parents and friends don’t “get it”, or there’s just too much information out there. And, as a result, many of us end up “parenting by default”.
“Parenting by default” has a few different flavors. You may relate to some or all of them (we do!):
- You are parenting how you were raised without consciously considering if it is the best thing for you and your family
- You are doing the complete opposite of how you were raised, reacting to or rejecting your own childhood rather that thoughtfully, deliberately choosing in the present
- You’re “flying by the seat of your pants” and doing what just feels right in the moment without deep reflection, planning and thought.
Do you “parent by default”?
Probably not, because just the fact that you are reading this email suggests that you probably “parent by design”.
- You likely share our vision for deeply fulfilling relationships with your children
- You want to bring out the best of them and yourself
- You see that your impact as a parent has ripple effects that extend far beyond your family
- You try to consciously choose what approach to use with your children.
- You reflect on your choices, and change your approach as needed.
- You are informed by your past, but you don’t let your own childhood dictate what you do with your kids today.
This is “parenting by design”. It may be the “road less traveled” and the richness of the journey makes it all worthwhile.
Frankly, “parenting by design” is not always easy. So the goal of our next blog post will be to make things a little easier.
Until then, leave us a comment about a conscious choice you made as a parent that you feel proud of. Tell us what was one of your shining parenting moments?
Stay tuned, designers!
Happily Family Ever After,
Cecilia and Jason Hilkey
