Three Steps to Resolve Sibling Conflict: How to Help Your Kids Get Along With One Another
If you have two kids or more, you’re probably already thinking about how to help them build a strong relationship. Part of building a strong relationship, especially for siblings, is handling conflict constructively.
Maybe your kids get along well most of the time, or maybe their sibling rivalry and bickering is driving you crazy. Either way, we’ve got 3 tips for you to help your children get along better.
We received this question recently:
“Help! My kids have gotten along well for years… but suddenly they don’t. How do I fix it? Our 12-year-old daughter wants to hang out with her friends more and is being ‘mean’ to her 9-year-old brother. The 9-year-old is responding by acting ‘annoying’ to his older sister.”
The result: constant sibling fights and frustrated parents who feel lost on how to handle the tension between their children in a constructive way.
In this 3-minute video, I’ll walk you through 3 quick and easy steps to help your kids get along better, no matter their ages, even if they are “high needs” kids.
These 3 steps will show you how to work with your kids to resolve conflict and help them build a positive sibling connection while also tending to each child’s feelings and individual needs.
You might be tempted to skip Step #1, but don’t–it’s really important!
We’ve never seen Step #2 recommended in a parenting book, but it’s one of the most powerful parenting tools we’ve used.
And Step #3 can even work in the “heat of the moment”.
Thanks for watching this quick video about how to help siblings get along. Let us know what you think in the comments section!
Would you like to get our personal feedback and parenting tips on a situation in your family? Leave it in the comments below and we’ll see if we can answer your question in a future post. (The more detail you include the better.)
Amazing advice! I love these steps and wish I had them years ago. I have a 19 year old (ASD) and a 15 year old. I’ve read sooo many parenting books and taken classes on nonviolent parenting based on Marshall Rosenberg‘s nonviolent communication book. They were very helpful and overall I think we’ve done a decent job raising our kids. They seem to have a good relationship with each other now, but there were tough times between them from about ages 6 and 2 until a couple of years ago.
I love how these steps really focus on feelings. That first step is so good. (and true!) My husband and I talked about how sad WE felt when they weren’t getting along. We just wanted them to have a healthy, loving relationship. It has taken lots of time and patience over the years, lots of talking it out incident by incident, but it was worth the work. They have a good relationship now and are supportive of each other, which makes our hearts happy.
Thank you for the important work you do helping families. World peace begins with peace in the home. 🩷
Thanks for sharing Cindy! Glad that your kids get along now. It’s really rewarding to see how our kids turn out!
I hear you. Sometimes it’s pretty tough to be patient with our kids.
I don’t know if you’ve tried this… If I step in to help and a child says, “We were doing fine before you came along” then I ask the OTHER child, “We’re you having fun?” or “Do you want any support?” If both kids were having fun and neither want support from me, then I stop intervening.
I’m curious with the “You’re crossing my boundary” comment. Do you understand what your child wants you to do instead?
I have a 17 year old and a 13 year old (adhd). The 17 year old is always looking for ways to connect but was a manipulator when they were younger and the younger is antagonistic towards the older one. The older one often says I’m taking the younger ones side. When something does happen the older one will say things like “we were getting along then you had to go do that” or “your crossing my boundary” and other strong messages. The younger one does struggle with bugging people then will say “just joking”. I sometimes am not as patient as I could be and say ” can’t you just get along”. Not helpful!!! Lol
I am struggling with a 14 yr old son and 11 yr old daughter arguing everyday. The daughter is so smart, talented and loving that we struggle not to give her attention. The 14 yr old is a smart one but a bit not sensitive about his surrounding, and not very much into extra curricula activities and skills. He has good interpersonal skills with his friends.
My son is always belittling my daughter, shouting at her and dismissing all she says. Whenever I try to give him advice on how he should behave or protect her, the behaviour aggravates and he always complains that it’s because ‘she has started it”, ” she is your favourite child” or ” ofcourse you hear her” . I am wondering if I let this behavior as it is or find a strategy to stop or minimize the impact. My daughter has recently become sitting alone and not going out to play, her charm fades whenever he is around and she has anxiety that she sometime worries about nightmares. I need advice on how to handle this.
Yafesar, thanks for sharing about your family. I’ll see if I can make a video about how to address your son treating his sister poorly. Stay tuned.
Awesome tips.. thanks. It actually worked
I’m so glad that these helped, Darshani.